Chances are you’ve had times in your life where you regretted not setting boundaries. Or in setting boundaries, you felt like you alienated someone or deserted them. Or perhaps you often feel irritated or resentful that you even have to set boundaries with certain people.
Setting Boundaries to protect your time, well-being, your health, your sleep, etc. can be instrumental in accessing more calm, feeling more peaceful, and getting well. What are some indications that you need to set boundaries with people in your life and acquaintances?
- you feel drained in group or some one-on-one interactions.
- resentment creeps in when you do things for others that seem to go unappreciated.
- other people seem to make you responsible for their feelings and actions
- you feel responsible for others’ feelings and emotions and even their choices (hmmm…).
- you avoid setting limits and stating end times to interactions because you might seem rude.
- you frequently find yourself in situations spending more time and energy than you planned for and therefore something else important on your schedule suffers.
- you frequently feel taken advantage of
As someone who struggled with boundary setting for many years, I can relate. Setting boundaries with an open – heart resulted in less interpersonal drama and set the stage for stronger connections with mutual respect.
- Set boundaries with LOVE – not irritation. It’s not the other party’s fault that they can’t read your mind or that they aren’t aware of your needs. It’s your job to communicate (kindly and calmly whenever possible) what those needs are.
- Setting clear, calm, and open-hearted boundaries helps let go of the notion that we can control how others respond to our communicated boundaries.
- Be clear that other people don’t control your emotions. If the same situation with the same people activates feelings in you that you don’t enjoy, then change the situation or change the way you look at it.
- Don’t take personally that people operate from their own set of assumptions.
- When it’s time for you to leave, do so and leave martyr-like stories (expressed or in your head) out of it.
This list while SIMPLE is not always EASY to implement. If we can set clear boundaries with a calm and open-hearted intention that honors our own time, space, and our health needs, we can more fully show up for others to support them when needed. Setting boundaries with kindness is SELF-CARE and NOT SELFISH.
This point of view may be new to you or even creating some cognitive dissonance. Yet, you may also be feeling that fully claiming a new paradigm around these ideas could be quite FREEING for you.
Contact me. I love talking to people (no obligation ever to explore) about how transformative change around setting boundaries can affect their energy, health, and well-being.