Choosing to cultivate love rather than anger might just be what it takes to save the planet from extinction.
-Pema Chödrön

I have been thinking about how we treat each other as fellow inhabitants of this planet. I considered the teachings of my faith, the spiritual teachings of other faiths, and what I have learned from my many earthly teachers in the last few years.  Despite my own upbringing (and the spiritual and moral upbringing of most people I know), we don’t always choose Kindness and Benevolence as the basis for all that we do.

So, why don’t we? It is certainly more pleasant when more of us choose authentic kindness.  I, personally, want to be a part of a more pleasant planet. People who change their patterns of unkind action, words, and thoughts (their own and how they respond to that in others) generally find that such pattern change reduces their perceived stress and it enhances the healing process.

Here are some things I am fairly clear on:

• When someone acts in a way that I perceive as unkind or unjust, I remind myself that I cannot control another.  I have no idea what their actual intentions and motivations are (I may think I do, but I truly don’t). I attempt not to take it personally for that reason.  Behavior that is continually unkind, unjust, selfish usually leads to me choosing to spend less time in that person’s presence.
• It is never a justifiable, life-affirming action for me or anyone else to be purposefully be unkind or physically or emotionally hurtful. Telling myself that someone “had it coming” is truly not useful in the long run.  [Communicating boundaries or dislike for behavior with a clear and open-hearted intention is not unkind.]
• My emotions and feelings are up to me and within my control.  Blaming someone else for my [insert unpleasant emotion here], takes away my personal power and leads me to identify as a victim.
• Emotions themselves aren’t toxic.  Very simply put, what costs me is choosing to STAY with a thought pattern that isn’t serving me.   For example, anger itself isn’t “wrong” or “bad”.  However, verbally or physically attacking someone out of anger has a cost to the soul, not to mention our relationship with that person. By the same token, unexpressed anger can lead to a story in our heads of resentment, indignation, and blame. A story in our head based on resentment, indignation, and blame is not healthy, stresses the body, and eventually sets up the conditions for disease or physical ailments.
• Balanced and resilient people have emotional states are not static – they MOVE and CHANGE.  In my experience working with clients,  the more we practice presence and the more we become crystal clear about our responsibility for our emotions, the more content and secure we become. We become MASTERS of not taking anything personally (or at least realizing it when we are and owning it as our CHOICE).

So what about when people are intentionally not kind or are disrespectful to others?

And when we ourselves choose to be unkind to others? There is usually a deep seated unresolved issue of insecurity (which comes from fear).  The ego is at play; the ego is protecting itself. [Love that part of you that wants to protect you.]

Do want to you to curb your own unkind language and thoughts towards others? We all know when we do it.  It can be especially easy to do with others who seem to regularly not treat us kindly.  We justify such retorts with a “what comes around goes around”. Does choosing a different pattern interest you?

What if you were catch yourself in the act of being impatient, unkind, or cutting with another (even just in your head)?

What if you got curious in that moment and dove in deeper to your own intention and motivation for the unkind language?

“What was really bumped into there that precipitated my attack/bluntness/retort/scathing criticism?”

“What am I holding onto as SO important that I am justifying talking to another this way?”

“Is there some other way I can “matter-of-factly” communicate my needs and point of view that is more open-hearted and less about bring “right”.

It’s not always easy to choose kindness.

However, I hold hope we can choose kindness more often, deliberately. Especially when it isn’t expected, we can make shifts in our own little world. Then continue the revolution to “save” the collective planet.

There are always ways we can invite shifts and openness into our lives.  Consider this Free Event if you live in Wake County:

3 Simple Tips to Transform Chronic Conditions and Stress into Your Energized Life

March 23 6-8pm Free

3700 National Drive, First Floor Conference Room

Raleigh, NC 27612

-just inside the Raleigh I-440 Beltline at Glenwood Avenue-